Have you ever been on a date that went so unbelievably well that everyone else you’ve been out with that month (or year) is overshadowed? Sometimes you just get lucky and find the right girl at the right time.
You start with casual drinks and before you know it, the two of you have been talking for 6 hours straight and the bar is closing.
You expect to have a leisurely coffee date but you both end up laughing so much that you’re sore the next day.
And then tomorrow comes and you can’t get her out of your head. What do you do now?
This can be a nerve-racking position to be in. What if you mess things up and never see her again?
It feels like this NEVER happens. What now?
Some people will tell you to wait some predetermined, arbitrary amount of time before you contact her again. They advise you to “play it cool” so you don’t look “desperate.”
Others suggest that she must have some kind of flaw you’re not seeing, and that you should be careful. Maybe they’re secretly jealous of your small dating success!
In any case, you want to be prepared when this happens. You don’t want to be caught off-guard by your emotions and then make any decisions that you regret, right?
Lots of people have experienced this once or twice before. I hope that this article catches YOU at the right time so that next time you’re swept off of your feet, you’ll be ready.
***DISCLAIMER: I am making a big assumption here that you are a reasonably smart and rational person who also doesn’t have a history or pattern of unhealthy relationships. Those two things are not mutually exclusive, by the way — but I expect you’ll need to have BOTH going for you for this advice to make sense.***
That being said, my response is: GO FOR IT, full steam ahead! But let’s talk about what should be going through your mind so that you make the most of a rare opportunity like this, as well as the How and the Why of it.
Decide what you’re going to do about it
It’s usually the same dilemma that comes to mind in a situation like this: “Do I play hard to get, or throw caution to the wind and see her again ASAP?”
Most of the time I think you should totally show her your excitement! Waiting to text her for no reason or acting like you didn’t experience something special is dumb.
I know it can feel vulnerable to be totally up-front with a woman about how she made you feel.
But we’re all human beings here — and we all like to be validated by hearing that our date liked us too. She is no different. She’ll appreciate it if you’re direct and mature about wanting to see her again soon.
Ask to set up another date tomorrow if you want to, who cares??
However, there are a few things to keep in the front of your mind so that you don’t end up in a bad place three months down the road. You need to avoid…
- Doing something out of character like spending a ton of money on a big gesture for her due to your heightened feel-good hormones, or saying something important like “I love you” WAY too soon.
- Letting her into private aspects of your life really quickly. I’ve actually seen guys give their credit card info to a new woman because they “just felt like I could trust her.” Maybe there are things about your personal life that she doesn’t need to know immediately, eh?
- Overlooking glaring red flags about her because of how attracted to her you are. Think back to the things she does and says around you on your date(s): any heavy past issues you’ve glossed over (family, relationships)? Jealousy problems or maybe even something unexpected like poor spending habits (shopping, Amazon *wink *wink)? How about time management, or even drinking too much?
None of these are necessarily objective dealbreakers, but it helps to be mentally prepared for them.
People tend to ignore this stuff while wearing their new rose-colored party glasses, so I’m just trying to protect you from yourself, you lucky duck.
What to do specifically now that you’ve had an unforgettable date
Onward. Okay, so you’re back at home after the best date of your life and you have no idea how to proceed. Maybe this has never happened to you before.
Chances are, if she feels the same way you do, it’ll work out well regardless of your what you choose to do within reason. But here’s my opinion on what to do to keep that flame a-burnin’ and to save yourself a lot of anxiety.
First, send her a nice quick text the same night. It can be as simple as,
“Just got back home, I had a great time with you tonight :).” Just give her concrete evidence that you enjoyed it.
Ideally, you will have asked before parting ways if she wants to get together again. But if not, no sweat.
Next, I advise that you start talking about the next time you’ll see each other within 48 hours. You don’t have to necessarily see her again that soon, just mention it at least. An example would be,
“I’m thinking that next time, we maybe grab some ice cream and take a walk. Let me know when you’re free next week.” I tend to offer specific openings in my own schedule as well, for efficiency’s sake, like I’ve mentioned in other articles.
Dating relationships built on a strong initial connection require momentum up front to keep them going. I like to picture a giant boulder — it just needs a few solid pushes and then it will keep rolling for a while from the infatuation momentum!
Obviously, the next thing is to follow through and commit to the next meeting/date. Show up and put your best foot forward again, and be yourself just like before.
By the third date, a very valuable thing to do is considering how you can communicate to her that you care and can remember things about her. Incorporate something she told you she likes. Something she has been meaning to try or do. Get creative!
Being vulnerable and putting yourself out there
Before you even say it, I know what you’re thinking — telling her bluntly how you feel after one date, or asking for a second so quickly, is scary. Wearing your romantical interest on your sleeve can feel dangerous in a way. Like a tank top made of Swiss cheese.
Well, I guess that would mean you’re wearing it on your arm. Anyway, I digress.
No one worth your time actually LIKES mind games or waiting to find out how you felt about them. Just like you, if the date meant something to her she is scrutinizing herself just as much as you are scrutinizing yourself.
The second date quickly following the first will allow you both to see if lightning will strike twice, or if it was just a fluke. Unfortunately, I have had incredible first dates that didn’t lead to a relationship because the second and third ones were terrible.
Speaking of being vulnerable, there is one point I made above that bears repeating: do NOT tell her you love her or “she means everything to you” or anything like that within the first few dates. Saying that stuff is only romantic when you have real experiences and history behind them.
I’m no stranger to falling HARD into infatuation with a lady.
But without the necessary time put in, these things just make you sound hasty and a little nuts.
We could talk all day about the intricacies and nuances of the early period of dating a woman, but in the end, the only thing that matters is action. So get your head right, decide what you want to do using healthy portions of both your head and your heart, and have some fun, will ya?